she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize