u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
