Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
