Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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