Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Randomize
