hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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