where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
