That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
