i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
