I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
