My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
