Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
i think im in europe. pls send help
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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