Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
