May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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