i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
