Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize