Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
