I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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