dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
