i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
