i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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