you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
