I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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