Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
