This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
