the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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