Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
