take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
