she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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