totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
