similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
