Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
