Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
