the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Who died my cat blue again?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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