did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
