i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
