Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
