mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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