we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
