The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
