Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
