bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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