Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
