Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
