hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
