lets start a swedish sibling band together
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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