So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
