Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
