WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
