my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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