His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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