You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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