ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I pour the whiskey from now on
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