We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
