Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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