i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
