I'm laying in your front yard are you home
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
