I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Semen is not good for contacts.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
