just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize