we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
