I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
