I can text with my tongue
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
