It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
