'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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