"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
