Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
