I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
