It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
