I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
you had me at cake vodka
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
