im about as happy as oj after his trial
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
