I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
