Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
