What a fucking waste of an outfit
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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