True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
