you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
