I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
