I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
