I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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