apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
The air taste purple.
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