I like my sex mixed with concussions.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
