wakey wakey hands off snakey
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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