I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize