This dress was meant to end up on your floor
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
